Aug 6

I am still mulling over the Boko experience from last night. I’m having a hard time thinking of it objectively. I wanted to buy into it. I wanted so badly to believe that there is some form of supernatural help for all the bad things that have happened in my life. I wanted so badly to believe that I am a good person who has just acquired some bad spirits. I guess therein lies the basis of religion.  A need to believe that we belong to a higher cause than our base instincts. The desire for help from powers higher than ourselves, and an explanation as to why bad things happen to good people.

I saw what became of my lost soccer ball today. One of the men go ahold of it and organized a game for all the men in the village. I sat on a tree root and watch for a while, feeling a little jealous because I wanted to play by that it wasn’t my place to ask, Gender roles are more divided here in the village than anywhere I’ve ever seen. The boys and girls don’t play together and I rarely even see the men and women speaking to each other. My whole life, I have enjoyed breaking gender roles. I always thought it was unfair that boys get to have more fun than girls, and even as a Canadian girl I wanted to be a boy. I still do in some ways, and even as a grown women I take pride in my masculine qualities. I am happy that my donation became an important part of the community, but I am upset that I didn’t get to partake in it, or even receive a thank you for it.