Aug 6
I am still mulling over the Boko
experience from last night. I’m having a hard time thinking of it objectively.
I wanted to buy into it. I wanted so badly to believe that there is some form
of supernatural help for all the bad things that have happened in my life. I
wanted so badly to believe that I am a good person who has just acquired some
bad spirits. I guess therein lies the basis of religion. A need to believe that we belong to a higher cause
than our base instincts. The desire for help from powers higher than ourselves,
and an explanation as to why bad things happen to good people.
I saw what became of my lost soccer
ball today. One of the men go ahold of it and organized a game for all the men
in the village. I sat on a tree root and watch for a while, feeling a little
jealous because I wanted to play by that it wasn’t my place to ask, Gender
roles are more divided here in the village than anywhere I’ve ever seen. The
boys and girls don’t play together and I rarely even see the men and women
speaking to each other. My whole life, I have enjoyed breaking gender roles. I
always thought it was unfair that boys get to have more fun than girls, and
even as a Canadian girl I wanted to be a boy. I still do in some ways, and even
as a grown women I take pride in my masculine qualities. I am happy that my
donation became an important part of the community, but I am upset that I didn’t
get to partake in it, or even receive a thank you for it.
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